Photo courtesy of the amazing and wonderful Miss Kelsey Foster
When I was in college, I had this theory regarding boys. If I never said out loud that I liked a boy, then it simply was not true. Every once in a while, I keep things hidden and stuffed because I think if I don't say it out loud, then its not true (by the way this is also known as denial). About two weeks ago, I was sharing with my community group that I was feeling really motivated about my blog, sewing, saving money, not shopping, and yoga. Sam was calling me Miss Proactive (not the face wash, I used it during summer camp and got this crazy chemical burn).
Then it started creeping up on me, doubt. Doubt hopped in bed with me one night actually. I woke up in the middle of the night in panic and in fear from a dream. I have been having doubt and insecurities about the blog and myself and how it all fits together. I started wondering if I was pushing myself hard enough. Even though, I want this blog to be just for me, and something that makes me happy... I still want people to read it.
Doing this can be really frustrating because sometimes you can get so caught up in who is wearing what, all the comments others are getting, feeling like you are completely late in the game, everyone is on weardrobe and chictopia and facebook and twitter and blogfacesomethingwhatever... and I'll be honest, I don't get it. I feel like I'm working my ass off on this blog, at my job, and in my life and I just feel like I'm so behind or like I missed some fashion wagon that came by on October 7th when I was in the bathroom! AND on top of that, the one thing that makes me feel like I can get ahead I can't do. Curse you no shopping year... curses on you!!!
This is usually when I scream...
and remind myself that I have to just take this at my own pace. I also need to find some positive ways to move forward. I've been toying around with paying a graphic designer to help me come up with a logo. Which means I need to figure out what I would want a logo to look like. I've also been toying around with e-mailing other bloggers and asking them if they will link to my site if I will link to theirs (which I really don't want to do because I feel totally desperate and needy in asking that but I know that its totally normal to exchange links). I have also wanted to maybe start advertising on some other blogger's sites and getting some fashion stuff going in Nashville.
-more visitors and more exposure
-a striped shirt
-black shorts (so I'm not having to wear my thin little black jumper and so I don't have to take my shirt off in the bathroom)
-a "bye" week for my no shopping so I can shop at modcloth
-something pink, or floral, with ruffles.
But, what I need is:
-to finish reading Traveling Mercies by Ann Lamott (thanks C)
-so I can start reading Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke (thanks A)
-to finish my skirt
-to be satisfied with what I have and who I am
-to take a deep breath
-to remember and reflect why I am doing this
-a pony (maybe)
-I have a unique voice
-I am a great writer
-I love what I'm doing and how it makes me feel
-I wear jeans a lot
-how to use the timer on my camera
-it is part of the natural process of being creative to doubt, but I will not let that doubt control me.
Thanks for reading...