Monday, January 25, 2010

Frustrations and pushing through

Photo courtesy of the amazing and wonderful Miss Kelsey Foster

When I was in college, I had this theory regarding boys.  If I never said out loud that I liked a boy, then it simply was not true.  Every once in a while, I keep things hidden and stuffed because I think if I don't say it out loud, then its not true (by the way this is also known as denial).  About two weeks ago, I was sharing with my community group that I was feeling really motivated about my blog, sewing, saving money, not shopping, and yoga.  Sam was calling me Miss Proactive (not the face wash, I used it during summer camp and got this crazy chemical burn).

Then it started creeping up on me, doubt.  Doubt hopped in bed with me one night actually.  I woke up in the middle of the night in panic and in fear from a dream.  I have been having doubt and insecurities about the blog and myself and how it all fits together.  I started wondering if I was pushing myself hard enough.  Even though, I want this blog to be just for me, and something that makes me happy... I still want people to read it.

Doing this can be really frustrating because sometimes you can get so caught up in who is wearing what, all the comments others are getting, feeling like you are completely late in the game, everyone is on weardrobe and chictopia and facebook and twitter and blogfacesomethingwhatever...  and I'll be honest, I don't get it.  I feel like I'm working my ass off on this blog, at my job, and in my life and I just feel like I'm so behind or like I missed some fashion wagon that came by on October 7th when I was in the bathroom!  AND on top of that, the one thing that makes me feel like I can get ahead I can't do.  Curse you no shopping year... curses on you!!! 

This is usually when I scream...

and remind myself that I have to just take this at my own pace.  I also need to find some positive ways to move forward.  I've been toying around with paying a graphic designer to help me come up with a logo.  Which means I need to figure out what I would want a logo to look like. I've also been toying around with e-mailing other bloggers and asking them if they will link to my site if I will link to theirs (which I really don't want to do because I feel totally desperate and needy in asking that but I know that its totally normal to exchange links).  I have also wanted to maybe start advertising on some other blogger's sites and getting some fashion stuff going in Nashville.  

I want:
-more visitors and more exposure
-a striped shirt
-black shorts (so I'm not having to wear my thin little black jumper and so I don't have to take my shirt off in the bathroom)
-a "bye" week for my no shopping so I can shop at modcloth
-a pony
-something pink, or floral, with ruffles.

But, what I need is:
-to finish reading Traveling Mercies by Ann Lamott (thanks C)
-so I can start reading Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke (thanks A)
-to finish my skirt
-to be satisfied with what I have and who I am
-to take a deep breath
-to pause
-to feel
-to remember and reflect why I am doing this
-a pony (maybe)

I know:
-I have a unique voice
-I am a great writer
-I love what I'm doing and how it makes me feel
-I wear jeans a lot
-how to use the timer on my camera
-it is part of the natural process of being creative to doubt, but I will not let that doubt control me.

Thanks for reading...


  1. I really enjoy reading your blog Alyson! You have a lot of really great ideas and it's fun to read about what's going on in your life. There's a girl named Elsie Flannigan that has a really great blog that I read almost daily and she kind of has a similar style. She has advertisement space every month and there are a lot of great links on there. She gets a good 5,000 hits a day or more. Anyway, just an idea of where to advertise if you want. I think you're doing great and I also think the blogging thing just takes time to catch on. Keep going!

  2. I will tell you what - I had the same feeling when I started my blog! Please keep writing! You are so passionate and I find it inspirational! I want to read Letter to a Young Poet too!

  3. Believe me, what you're feeling is totally part of it!! Keep pushing through. It's part of having your life public in a way for other people to read about - and in a way, critique. Just do your PASSION and it will all be okay. And it takes a little time to build up readership - it will come :)

  4. I have been wanting to get more involved with local Nashville fashion as well! When I first started blogging, I had actually thought about paying a graphic designer as well, but I am so glad I didn't! I have learned so much by forcing myself to make everything. I am absolutely no graphic designer, but if you want, when we get together for coffee, we could work on a logo or something of that nature if you decide not to go with a graphic designer!

  5. Definitely having a similar day over here, but it's good to be reminded that we can push through.

    Oh, and I love Annie Lamott. The book is definitely worth finishing!

  6. Alyson, I feel like you crawled inside my brain and uncovered all of my blogging insecurities. I dig that you are open about them, and pushing through. I think you are a great writer... I mean I rarely read wordy blog posts. (I have the attention span of a circus monkey.) I enjoyed this though, and actually laughed out loud at finding 'pony' on your list of wants.

  7. Darling, it happens to us all. I get all excited about some posts, and then realize I have no more traffic after that than I did the day before. Rather sucks sometimes, but these things don't happen over night. I love this blog and your voice. Your self challenge is FANTASTIC.

    And the pony ... @Kristy and I might have to see what we can do about that one. :P

  8. Hi! It's all about networking to get people to read your blog, and my gosh, you have great content here. @Katemorris posted on Twitter, and I followed. I'm about to go through and keep reading, but I had to stop and comment and let you know that you can have a Pony: .

  9. I totally back the decision to get a pony. I am a firm believer that pony ownership makes all things better. Not just better but 'bedazzled' better. And as far as the blog goes, well this is my first visit here. But I love love love it. You're a great writer and I think you've done something pretty awesome here. Writing through your frustration will help you...get through your frustration. Keep up the great work and you'll be rolling like a Rhinestone Cowboy in now time!!

  10. I totally understand what you are going through. It's frustrating to see readers climb only a couple numbers per week. But I figure if I've got a unique voice and put the total amount of effort that I can into the blog than it is going to work out exactly as it is meant to me.
    And I agree with you - blogger collaboration is key to growth. Here's to a great year of growth!

  11. WOW! When I left the comment on your latest post this morning, I hadn't read this post yet! I've been going through the exact same thing. I've loved making things out of stuff all my life, and I'm just NOW getting to blogging about it and making a go at turning this into a career. I feel ridiculously behind the pack. I see blogs like yours and think, "These people make it look so easy! Why is it so hard for me to stay on top of this?" Then I came to something of the same realization that you did. I just need to keep plugging away. Keep going at my own pace. Keep submitting to ReadyMade and other venues. Start talking to other bloggers. Which is exactly the path that lead me to comment on your post this morning. Keep at it! I think you're doing a great job!



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