Frustrations and pushing through

Photo courtesy of the amazing and wonderful Miss Kelsey Foster

When I was in college, I had this theory regarding boys.  If I never said out loud that I liked a boy, then it simply was not true.  Every once in a while, I keep things hidden and stuffed because I think if I don't say it out loud, then its not true (by the way this is also known as denial).  About two weeks ago, I was sharing with my community group that I was feeling really motivated about my blog, sewing, saving money, not shopping, and yoga.  Sam was calling me Miss Proactive (not the face wash, I used it during summer camp and got this crazy chemical burn).

Then it started creeping up on me, doubt.  Doubt hopped in bed with me one night actually.  I woke up in the middle of the night in panic and in fear from a dream.  I have been having doubt and insecurities about the blog and myself and how it all fits together.  I started wondering if I was pushing myself hard enough.  Even though, I want this blog to be just for me, and something that makes me happy... I still want people to read it.

Doing this can be really frustrating because sometimes you can get so caught up in who is wearing what, all the comments others are getting, feeling like you are completely late in the game, everyone is on weardrobe and chictopia and facebook and twitter and blogfacesomethingwhatever...  and I'll be honest, I don't get it.  I feel like I'm working my ass off on this blog, at my job, and in my life and I just feel like I'm so behind or like I missed some fashion wagon that came by on October 7th when I was in the bathroom!  AND on top of that, the one thing that makes me feel like I can get ahead I can't do.  Curse you no shopping year... curses on you!!! 

This is usually when I scream...

and remind myself that I have to just take this at my own pace.  I also need to find some positive ways to move forward.  I've been toying around with paying a graphic designer to help me come up with a logo.  Which means I need to figure out what I would want a logo to look like. I've also been toying around with e-mailing other bloggers and asking them if they will link to my site if I will link to theirs (which I really don't want to do because I feel totally desperate and needy in asking that but I know that its totally normal to exchange links).  I have also wanted to maybe start advertising on some other blogger's sites and getting some fashion stuff going in Nashville.  

I want:
-more visitors and more exposure
-a striped shirt
-black shorts (so I'm not having to wear my thin little black jumper and so I don't have to take my shirt off in the bathroom)
-a "bye" week for my no shopping so I can shop at modcloth
-a pony
-something pink, or floral, with ruffles.

But, what I need is:
-to finish reading Traveling Mercies by Ann Lamott (thanks C)
-so I can start reading Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke (thanks A)
-to finish my skirt
-to be satisfied with what I have and who I am
-to take a deep breath
-to pause
-to feel
-to remember and reflect why I am doing this
-a pony (maybe)

I know:
-I have a unique voice
-I am a great writer
-I love what I'm doing and how it makes me feel
-I wear jeans a lot
-how to use the timer on my camera
-it is part of the natural process of being creative to doubt, but I will not let that doubt control me.

Thanks for reading...

So many projects

When I told my friends and family I was getting serious about starting my sewing, I started to receive lots and lots of books. Most of them were for my past two birthdays and Christmas. Right now, my sewing machine is in the shop (the shop also known as at Sam's house waiting for a part). So, I am trying to keep busy by flipping through each of these books and picking out my favorite projects.

The first book I am wanting to get through is Sew U by Wendy Mullin with Eviana Hartman. This book is great because the authors do a spectacular job making it seem simple. It also gives step by step instructions, tips and tricks for putting in zippers, button holes, etc. I have a huge phobia of zippers and button holes so this book has been a comfort. You receive three Simplicity patterns for a skirt, a shirt, and pants. All easily customizable to make your own wardrobe. My favorite thing about this book is how practical Wendy Mullin is. She started sewing in her college dorm room, and for someone whose sewing area is confined to my bedroom, this was all really encouraging.

Then there are books like the Lotta Jansdotter book, Simple Sewing where I cannot find a project in it that I don't like. Do I need a curtain that has pockets for little plants? No, but wouldn't it be so cool?

Twinkle Sews was a book from Sam that I got less than a month ago. The dresses, tops, skirts, etc make me drool. I cannot wait to get my sewing skills back to novice and kick some serious butt on that dress on the front cover. I am seeing it in black, blue, or purple.

I received the Make Your Own Clothes book last year for Christmas, and have yet to really dive into it because the disc to print out the patterns isn't Mac compatable (really?... Are you serious?)

As soon as I finish this post, I am off to browse through Sew What! Skirts to see if I can find a cool ruffle skirt project for New Year's Eve.

Home Sewn is dedicated to all things beautiful and french. I love the poufs and garlands.

Born Again Vintage will definitely come to be an asset as I grow tired of my wardrobe in the next year. Yes, I have lots of staples, but a year is a long time.

What sewing books draw your inspiration?

A visual representation of an author's thoughts...

I have recently learned that not just one but TWO of the books I have read this summer are being made into films. The first one, The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold will come out this December. It is starring some of my favorite actors (Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon, and Stanley Tucci). The trailer was just released on Apple Trailers today.

I am THRILLED for this movie. First of all, I did not like the way the book ended, BUT I trust Peter Jackson, and so far the movie looks REALLY good. Sorry for all the caps, but I'm excited for this movie.

The second book is Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Now, if you read you will see that I enjoyed this book and I am still recommending this to friends and family to read. However, I am a little disappointed by some of the casting choices... well okay, one of the casting choices, the main casting choice. Julia Roberts is cast as Liz... I just think that there could have been someone who is a little more... real? I will have to see. But so far, James Franco is playing David (which James Franco could play poppy in a new adaptation of a Wizard of Oz and I'd be happy about that because he is adorable). Stephen her ex husband is being played by Billy Crudup, that's okay, too. Javier Bardem as Felipe, which didn't him and Julia Roberts just finish making a movie together? Also listed is Richard Jenkins. Richard Jenkins is a phenomenal actor and although the name may not ring a bell, the face will. I am hoping he will be portraying Richard from Texas... can't you just imagine Richard Jenkins calling Julia Robert's Groceries? Right now on imdb.com it does not list what character he is playing, but I think he would make a great Texan at an ashram in India.

Anyways go watch the trailer for The Lovely Bones and find all the paparazzi images from the set of Eat, Pray, Love.

Book Review: The Omnivore's Dilemma

A few days ago I finished reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. I was a little scared to read it at first, if anyone recalls. I love food, and the last thing that I wanted to read was something about how my food is treated. However, Michael Pollan does a wonderful job walking that fine line between informative and over doing it. I will be honest, it has totally changed the way I think about meat, produce, grocery stores, farmer's markets, and Whole Foods. I admit, at first I was a little fanatical about the information I was taking in. The constant phrases that came out of my mouth were the following:

• "This whole meal came from corn... CORN, it was in the feed for the animals, its in the food, its in the butter, its in the packaging... corn corn corn corn corn."
• "The whole meat industry is doing everything in reverse!"
• "These are 'industrial' eggs, milk, meat, and cheese."

Like I said, I was a little fanatical. But, being able to have some distance from the book, a lot of the actualities about the grocery industry still hit home for me. I know that right now I do not have the means (means being money, skill, and stomach space) to drastically change the way I buy groceries, but I have started taking small steps to bring me to that place. Here are a few of the steps I have began to implement now.

Buy local milk.
Although, one day I plan on buying a share of a cow, and getting raw milk, right now I can walk down to The Produce Place and pick up a half gallon of milk that comes from a local dairy. The milk comes in a glass jug (so I feel better about not using plastic) and costs about the same as a half gallon of organic milk from Kroger (actually its cheaper). I know if I wanted to, I could drive up and see the dairy myself, and see how the cows are treated. I can see that the cows are fed grass and hay, not grain (cows have a difficult time digesting grain, because their stomachs are meant to thrive on grasses. Grain is also the reason why cows have to be injected with antibiotics... just read the book).

Buy local free range chicken eggs.
I could do this for the taste improvement alone! The yolks are rich, flavorful, and chock-full of nutrients. My reasoning on this is mostly due to the treatment of the animals. For as much suffering that occurs to a hen that is confined in a small space, those eggs should not be sold for $0.89. I know, they are chickens, but when you can taste the difference between an egg that came from an industrial hen house, and one that come from a free range chicken, you cannot help but think that there is a huge difference.

Buy local produce.
This one is hard. I have grown up in an era of convenience. No matter what the season, I want some sort of vegetable that is not in season. Year round apples, zucchinis, strawberries, corn, avocado, potatoes, etc. The vegetables at your supermarket are shipped from all around the world in order to bring us the convenience of eating what we want, when we want it. I believe that by keeping a watchful eye on what is seasonal and local, I am putting money back into the local economy. Plus, it makes me feel good knowing that my produce traveled on a truck from somewhere in Goodlettesville. But this is HARD, because most supermarkets do not carry produce from local farms. I'm trying, and I do what I can.

To anyone who reads this and wants to know more about what I am talking about, please do not hesitate to comment or ask questions. These are my own personal convictions about what I am putting into my body. Unless you are coming to eat at my house for dinner, then I promise to not force my food beliefs on you. I do think that as a culture we have been programmed to think that the food that we eat, is just food and that it was not at one time a living, breathing, organism/plant/animal.

I will say this, only read this book if you are ready to change the way you look at food. Some of this stuff really hit home for me, and I made immediate changes (I threw out a bag of frozen chicken nuggets because it grossed me out thinking about them). I definitely realize that to others some of the stuff will go in one ear and out the other, but this book will not be a waste of time. I greatly recommend this journey into the history of our eating habits.

Eat, Pray, Love - Must Read

Sometimes you read a book and when you turn that last page, this euphoria of good vibes settles in your stomach and chest and mixes with some overall satisfaction. Either this satisfaction is because the book was really good and enjoyable or its because you finished the book. Then other books you turn that last page, past the author biography (because you read it feverishly), and flip through the last little blank pages hoping that, "Oh, surely its not over! I want more!"

This could easily describe my experience with Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am glad that I read most of the book in the privacy of my home, because I could feel the dopey smile on my face through the entire book. Elizabeth Gilbert is hysterically funny. There are few authors that can make me laugh out loud (example: David Sedaris) and Elizabeth Gilbert just signed her name to that list with gusto. It is an understatement to say this book is good, great... even fantastic. The best way to describe this book is cataclysmic. It changes the way you think about God, suffering, sacrifice, Yoga, pleasure and even... pizza.

I could probably spend an entire day going back through the book highlighting my favorite quotes, because Elizabeth Gilbert has an incredible insight on how as women we tend to react and think. I feel like often as women we are told by either the media or by Satan himself that we are alone, and that if we are alone, we are also worthless. Are we really that helpless? HELL NO!

There is a part in the book where Liz is waiting for her husband to sign the divorce papers. She is chatting with her friend on a road trip about prayer, and how she wishes she could just "petition" God for this thing to end. What is the response of her friend? "So why don't you?" Somehow, we get this idea that its stepping on God's toes for us to ask Him to answer our most deepest desires. Liz in turn writes a petition to God. Her friend and her think of all of the people who would sign it from her mom and her sister, to Katherine Hepburn.

I believe that as women we are petrified by the fear of being alone whether for the rest of our lives or when we are in a crisis. We never want to be the crazy old cat lady at the end of the street. We should realize that we have a multitude of people that would stand by our sides and fight like hell with us; family, friends, acquaintances, activists, living or dead. All that is required is to ask. (Which is an entirely different subject because asking for help ain't easy)

Another point that came to me as I was reading this book is this idea of pleasure. In my past I often used pleasure as a coping mechanism. "I'm lonely, I'll go shopping" or "I've had a bad day, I'm going to drink an entire bottle of champagne". First off, I want to say that using pleasure as a way to cope is not bad. So kick that thought out to the curb. But I do believe that you have to deal with your monsters and not run away from them. I realized something, how often do I do things just to do them. I'm realizing this is what this summer is about for me, Alyson. I will buy Ice Cream Snickers from the grocery store and eat one before I go to bed every night because I love Ice Cream Snickers. There is just something about the ice cream, and the cold caramel. It is heaven, wrapped in chocolate with peanuts. I will do yoga when I feel like because I enjoy yoga. I will spend an entire Saturday reading a book, because I want to finish a book in a day!

What are the things that you take pleasure in everyday? Because you should. Lately, mine has been instant coffee. French Vanilla Instant Coffee. Or, laying in bed in the morning with the cool blue light reflecting off my walls and my fan blowing cold air onto my exposed skin. I take immense pleasure in the feeling of the warm water of the shower cascading over my dry hair.

Read this book. I'll even let you borrow it from me, but I have told everyone I know to read it because as hokey as it seems, it will change your life.

A Struggle of Persuasion

I am currently reading Persuasion by Jane Austen. Last night I stayed up entirely too late nursing my allergies (so thankful for the 3 year old Breathe Right strip I found at the bottom of my toiletry shelf) and reading 30-50 pages. I will be honest, I'm not exactly enjoying the book so far. Normally, I love the way Jane Austen writes her female characters, but not Anne Elliot. So far on page 100, she seems like nothing but a big weenie to me. She is a complete departure from Elizabeth Bennett, one of my favorite characters of all time. She stands up for herself even if she is completely wrong.

You have Anne Elliot who has pretty much let other people order her around for most of her life. Her sister Mary (Mrs. Charles Musgrove) is a hypochondriac, spoiled, attention-seeking bother. Even her husband (Charles Musgrove) can barely stand to be around her, but of course Anne was her husband's first choice in seeking a mate. Then there are the Miss Musgrove's (Charles' sisters) pretty much Lydia and Kitty Bennett. The main pursuayer is Lady Russell, Anne Elliot's confidante, friend, but still ill-adviser. The love interest is a Captain Frederick Wentworth. Captain Wentworth and Anne Elliot were previously involved with eachother, planning on an elopement (from what I can understand), but because of the persuasion and advice of Lady Russell, Anne called it off and lost her greatest love. The story takes place several years after this occurred, in which Captain Wentworth and Anne find themselves in close proximity for the first time since that event.

Unfortunately, I saw the movie before I read the book. The movie was a terrible BBC production, and the actress who plays Anne is ordinary with flat hair, no where near the beauty portrayed in either productions of Pride and Prejudice. The book reminds the reader that Anne was once pretty looking, but she now is a little worn-looking, and sad.

Anne Elliot with Captain Frederick Wentworth

I must say, Persuasion and I may have been doomed from the start. I hope it will get better, but right now I am just so very annoyed with the main character, that it makes finishing the rest of the book almost agonizing. I completley understand Captain Wentworth no longer having any interest in Anne. How would you feel if the object of your affection turned you down, and is allowing herself to be a pawn in somebody else's game? I hope I am proven wrong and that surely Anne Elliot will grow a pair sometime soon.