Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A time to heal

So... I lost my job.  No outfit post today because I didn't get a chance to snap photos before I started bawling my eyes out.  I have debated about even writing this blog post... because this is something so very deeply personal... but I feel like the more I talk about it then the more it will help me heal.  Although yes this is a personal fashion blog... the emphasis is definitely on the personal part today.  I don't want to discuss the who said whats or why's.  I truly believe that this is a kick in the butt for me to bloom into a career, a job, a place that will be even more awesome than my former job.  Which is really exciting because as far as places to work go, my former place of employment was pretty great.

Hundreds of emotions are running through me right now.  One of the most difficult emotions I am dealing with is that I just feel humiliated.  Humiliation is such a difficult emotion for me.  I have always been somewhat successful at life... well within reason.  And just this type of failure is really hard.  I hate failure and I am getting such a giant dose of it right now.  I feel like the shorts that I screwed up two weeks ago are nothing compared to this.  I understand though that this happens but I am trying desperately to believe what is true and right.  And not what is a lie.

Secondly, I am so scared.  I have no idea what I want to do right now.  I know what I like and what I love, which are fashion, interacting with people, the internet, and writing.  I want to be somewhere that I am challenged and being mentored.  I want to be somewhere that I can be lead and nurtured and then inspired and encouraged to be my best and step out in confidence.  I know that there is going to something amazing out there for me, I just have no idea what that looks like yet.  Its really really scary.

So there, I said it, its out there.  Thankfully I am in a place financially where I can take some time off and figure all of this out.  Which, I am desperately in need of doing.  I am going to take this time and sew, and work out and of course just do some soul searching.  I am not sure what my next step will be but there will be a step and I am pretty sure its going to be great.  Okay, it WILL be great!

17 comments:

  1. I was right there with you when you posted on twitter yesterday, and my heart just goes out to you.
    I appreciate you sharing this with all of us, because it is such a personal thing to deal with.

    I hope you will find something you kick ass at and can continue being the same awesome person we all know you are.

    ♥ Suze

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  2. There for you once you figure it out. You have support, just call on it when you need it. This is going to be a great blessing and a wonderful step forward in your life.

    I know the feeling of failure all too well. But we have to "fail" to grow. This is not the worst of the "failures" in your life. Small blip with a great win at the end.

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  3. My heart goes out to you. I know how scary this is... and I sympathize with you on the not knowing quiet what you want to do. Like I said, I will keep my ear to the ground about anything in your area that have to do with your interests and such. But something good will come of this in the end. Keep your head up! <3

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  4. Really sorry to hear about this. I am glad to hear that you have support, things to do, and a positive outlook. Take care of yourself and I'm sure some great opportunity will arise.

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  5. I love you Alyson! I wish I could be there to give you a great big hug and go get a frozen Snickers bar with you. As much as you can, hold on to what is true. And when you can't, we'll be here to remind you of the beauty that is in you and around you.

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  6. I hate to hear this news, Alyson. You are a treasure and I know a new opportunity will find you, snatch you up, and mold you into an even greater person. I'm sending you hugs and I'll say a prayer that a new job presents itself soon. Much love to you!

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  7. Thank you for your vulnerability. You have a support system, and putting air into the wounds, letting the truth breathe, is a strong combatant to any festering lies. I will lift you up sister. Our God is One who Provides. Jehovah Jireh. You are taken care of my dear.

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  8. :( so sorry to hear that...but you know what? you sound positive, despite how scary losing a job can be. just keep your chin up. and remember...everything happens for a reason. when one door closes...another opens. ;) we're all here for you! keep up the posts and show us some fashion, lady!!

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  9. I am so, so sorry. I lost not just my job but my career last year, and it was really hard. You can make it through this.

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  10. Rachel Horn10:28 AM

    Alyson, I'm sorry. You are such a strong person and you are absolutely right, you're going to do something "bigger and better" so to speak! i love love love you!

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  11. you are amazing and i know that you will find the job that is right for you! and for those moments when you need a little pick me up... I'll bring the wine!:) love ya girly!

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  12. Alyson I'm so sorry! But you are right, this is going to be a great time for you to bloom and change and reflect. It's hard now but you're going to come out of this happier than before!

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  13. I'm sor sorry to read this. but I think you have the right idea, change in live does lead to bigger and better things. but change is hard!! so it's ok to boo hoo for a bit.

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  14. I can't say that I know "exactly" how you feel, because every situation is different. I went through a pretty rough time last year with a similar issue and being unemployed can really hurt to the core, but in the end it will all work out. You're a great writer, have fantastic style, and from the looks of it an adorable, supportive boyfriend. Life will be tough for a little bit, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe these lyrics from a certain cheesy musical we were both in will cheer you up a bit?

    "Stiff upper lip! Stout fellow, when you're in a stew. Sober or blotto this is our motto, keep muddling through!"

    (I really hope you remember this or I'm going to feel like an idiot)

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  15. Alyson, I'm just seeing this now. I am so sorry - I hate that feeling; I was laid off and was mentally catatonic at one point so you actually sound 100x better than I did! I agree that this is just the start of doors opening to find something better. xox

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  16. I will be praying for you! You will find an even better job! I know it :)

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  17. Alyson, I only just now saw this post. I'm really sorry to read that you lost your job! I'm glad that you are in a place where you can take a bit of time for yourself and figure things out before you get back out there. I wish you the best of luck with soul searching and with finding an even better job soon!

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